Will my attractions change over time?

Introduction to Will my attractions change over time?

For many bisexual people, who and what they find attractive fluctuates across their lifespan. While some experience consistent desires, others go through evolving attraction cycles. Understanding the diverse ways bisexual interests can shift provides reassurance for those questioning.

Defining sexual fluidity

Sexual fluidity refers to fluctuations in sexual attraction over time. Key aspects:

• Attraction patterns can change gradually or in response to major life events.
• Fluidity is not limited to bisexuality; it affects all sexualities to varying degrees.
• Fluidity involves shifts in the degree of attraction, not loss of core orientation.
• Fluidity does not mean bisexuality is “just a phase” or an invalid identity.

Is fluidity bisexual?

Sexual fluidity and bisexuality are often conflated but have key distinctions:

• Bisexuality refers to the capacity for attraction to multiple genders, fluid or stable.
• Fluidity involves shifts in attractions within one’s orientation, whether monosexual or bisexual.
• Bisexual people can be fluid between genders or maintain fixed preferences.
• Monosexual people can fluctuate in their attraction to one gender.

So fluidity describes attraction patterns, while bisexuality describes orientation capacity.

What impacts fluidity?

Myriad social, psychological and biological factors influence shifts in attraction over time:

• Hormonal changes
• Ageing and maturity
• Major life events
• Evolving gender expressions/identities
• Changed relationship status
• New social groups/settings
• Self-discovery and unlearning repression
• Therapeutic healing

Internal and external transformations can awaken new dimensions of your sexuality.

Common fluidity patterns

While attraction patterns are unique to each person, some broad themes emerge:

Adolescence

• More fluidity and openness to experimentation
• Identity feels loose and unlabeled
• Attractions grow more channelled with maturity

Adulthood

• Preferences solidify in the 20s/30s
• Consistent cycles lasting months/years emerge
• Self-awareness increases

Midlife and beyond

• Attraction patterns persist or increase fluidity
• Societal expectations lift, creating space for self-exploration
• Peace comes from embracing fluidity as part of identity

Remember, change is constant. Rigidity stifles growth.

Navigating fluidity

Healthy mindsets empower you to embrace fluidity as enriching:

Let go of expectations

Don’t impose rules on how attraction “should” manifest or remain fixed. Allow your sexuality to unfold organically.

Separate behaviour from identity

Fluctuations in who you date don’t require adopting new orientation labels unless these feel authentic to you.

Focus on self-knowledge

Deepening wisdom of your unique patterns matters more than pinning down an unchanging identity.

Trust your timeline

Uncertainty is part of the journey. Move at your pace through stages of understanding your fluidity.

Supporting a fluid partner

For partners of bisexual individuals experiencing fluid shifts:

• Avoid policing their identity if attractions evolve. Trust they know themselves best.
• Don’t feel threatened if their preferences change. This doesn’t diminish their commitment to your relationship.
• Ask how you can support them through periods of self-exploration. Don’t make assumptions.
• Validate enduring aspects of their core identity alongside evolving attractions.
• Focus on meeting each other’s intimacy needs as fluidity creates new growth opportunities.

Healthy relationship strategies

Fluid bisexual folks can foster fulfilment with partners through:

• Regular check-ins to share evolving desires and relationship needs
• Trying new intimacy practices together to align with changing passions
• Prioritising openness, reassurance and security as transformations occur
• Sometimes limiting monogamy, but always emphasising ethical approaches
• Respecting when certain relationships run their course if partners’ needs diverge

With compassion and mutual care, fluidity can be embraced within healthy relationships.

Myth busting

Harmful myths about fluidity can be dispelled:

Myth: Fluidity makes bisexual identity unstable or invalid

Reality: Fluctuating attractions are a natural part of many bisexual people’s enduring identities.

Myth: You must permanently identify differently as desires change

Reality: Shifting preferences don’t require adopting new orientation labels unless these feel authentic.

Myth: Fluidity means being non-monogamous

Reality: Monogamous bisexual people experience fluidity too. Ethical non-monogamy is only one option.

Myth: Fluidity reflects immaturity or confusion

Reality: Fluidity represents unlocking deeper dimensions of identity with self-awareness.

Embracing your distinct path

Your sexual evolution will follow its own timeline:

• Some experience consistent desires from youth onwards.
• Some only develop fluidity later in adulthood.
• Some feel recurrent fluid cycles, while others undergo gradual unidirectional shifts.

There is no standard narrative. Unpack your distinct sexual history without judgment, and know you are not alone.

Looking forward with compassion

Navigating fluidity has its challenges, but with time, you can:

• Make peace with the unknowns of how desire will unfold.
• Develop self-awareness to articulate patterns to partners.
• Surround yourself with support in communities that validate fluidity.
• Let go of limiting assumptions that attraction must be fixed.
• Recognize fluidity as opening up new possibilities for intimacy.

While the path ahead holds mysteries, you have all you need within to embrace fluidity’s gifts.

In summary:

For some bisexual individuals, attractions remain stable over time, while others experience significant fluidity. Myriad factors can shift who and what we desire over the years. Recognizing fluidity as a natural and enriching form of bisexual identity enables us to grow into our most liberated selves without fear of the unknown. Change need not undermine self-concept. Let fluidity be a portal into new depths of wisdom, self-discovery and intimacy.

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Will my attractions change over time? FAQ