Plain-English definitions for bi men. Where UK usage differs from US, the UK version is the one given. Cross-references to other entries appear as "See also" lines.
A
Aftercare
The bit after sex where you check in with each other: water, a warm hand on the back, a quiet minute to come back to yourselves. It isn't about being sentimental; it's about not leaving someone feeling used after something intense, anonymous, or new. The form changes by setting, but the principle stays the same. See also: Consent.
Anonymous
Sex without exchanging names, numbers, or identifying details. Common in saunas, cruising spots, and through hookup apps when men set their profiles to "no face". For some bi men it's about discretion; for others it's about keeping the encounter self-contained, and consent and condoms still apply either way. See also: Discreet, Cruising, Disclosure.
Apps
The hookup and dating apps most relevant to bi men in the UK: Grindr, Sniffies, Scruff, and for couples or curious married men, sites like AdultFriendFinder. Each has its own culture and pace. Profile language varies by app, and learning the codes ("discreet", "DL", "bi", "curious") saves time and awkward openers. See also: Discreet, Down-low / DL.
B
Bi
Short for "bisexual" — a man who's attracted to more than one gender, in any ratio. Whether that's split evenly, or mostly men with occasional attraction to women, or vice versa, the word still applies. There's no required quota and no expiry date. See also: Bi-curious, Fluid.
Bi-curious
Where a man's open to the idea of sex or attraction with other men but hasn't acted on it, or has acted on it once or twice and is still working out where he sits. It's a starting point, not a verdict. Plenty of men sit in "curious" for years; plenty pass through it quickly. See also: Bi, Exploring, Fluid.
Bi erasure
The pattern of treating bisexuality as either a phase, a stop on the way to gay, or a polite cover for being closeted. It happens in straight settings ("you're basically straight") and in gay ones ("you're basically gay"). The effect is that bi men end up justifying their identity to both sides instead of just living it. See also: Biphobia, Closeted.
Biphobia
Hostility, dismissal, or suspicion directed at bisexual people. Common forms: refusing to date a bi man because "he'll cheat", treating bi attraction as performative, or telling a bi man to "pick a side". It's distinct from homophobia and shows up in straight and gay spaces alike. See also: Bi erasure.
Bottom
The receptive partner in anal sex — not a personality or a hierarchy, just a description of position and preference. Some men only bottom; some only top; many switch. Plenty of bi men who bottom with men have only ever topped with women, and that's normal too. See also: Disclosure.
Bug chasing
The deliberate pursuit of HIV infection, usually as a fetish or identity practice. It sits well outside the mainstream and is significantly less culturally visible in the UK than it once was, in part because PrEP has changed the risk picture for everyone involved. The harm is real; the practice is rare. See also: PrEP.
C
Closeted
Where a man hides his attraction to other men from people in his life, usually out of fear of consequences at home, work, or in his wider community. It isn't the same as discreet, which is a chosen privacy rather than a forced silence. Many bi men move in and out of the closet selectively: out to one mate, not to colleagues, not to family. See also: Discreet, Coming out, Down-low / DL.
Coming out
Telling other people you're bisexual, gay, or still working it out. It's not a single event for most men, but a series of conversations across different relationships, at different points of life, and sometimes selectively. There's no obligation to come out to anyone, and no timeline that's "right" or "late". See also: Closeted, Disclosure.
Consent
The clear agreement between everyone involved before and during sex. It can be verbal ("yes", "I want to") or unambiguous physical signals, and it can be withdrawn at any point. In group, sauna, or anonymous settings, consent works the same way it does anywhere else: an unclear yes is a no. See also: Aftercare, Disclosure.
Cruising
Looking for sex with other men in semi-public or shared spaces, like saunas, cruising bars, certain parks, and dedicated venues. Most cruising in the UK in 2026 happens in licensed venues; the outdoor scene still exists but is smaller. Plenty of bi men cruise specifically because the encounters stay outside their main life. See also: Anonymous, Discreet.
D
Disclosure
Telling a sexual or romantic partner something they need to know to make an informed decision, most often your STI status, your HIV status, or the existence of other partners. Disclosure isn't always required by law, but it's nearly always the better call ethically. It changes what consent the other person can actually give. See also: Consent, Coming out.
Discreet
Choosing privacy about your sex life with men, usually because of a partner, a job, or a family setup that makes openness costly. Discreet isn't the same as closeted; discreet is a deliberate choice, closeted is fear of exposure. Most discreet bi men aren't hiding from themselves, just from particular people. See also: Closeted, Down-low / DL.
Down-low / DL
A term originally from Black American gay and bi culture for men in straight-presenting relationships who have sex with men privately. In the UK in 2026 it's used more loosely, often as a profile shorthand on apps for "I'm not out, and I want this to stay private". The term carries cultural weight; treat it with care. See also: Discreet, Closeted.
E
Exploring
Where a man is actively working out what he wants with other men: first encounters, first sauna visit, first time meeting someone from an app. Exploring is a phase, not a label, and most men move through it rather than settle in it. The pace is whatever feels manageable. See also: Bi-curious, Coming out.
F
Fluid
Where a man's attractions shift over time, more interested in men in his thirties than he was in his twenties, or the other way round. Fluid isn't the same as bi-curious; fluid acknowledges the change is ongoing rather than working towards a fixed answer. Plenty of bi men describe themselves as fluid. See also: Bi, Bi-curious.
Friend with benefits
A friend you have ongoing sex with, without the relationship being romantic or exclusive. Common arrangement for bi men whose main relationship is with a woman, or who don't want a boyfriend but do want regular sex with a man. It works when both people stay honest about what it is. See also: Disclosure, Consent.
The middle batch of definitions, plain English, UK usage. Where a term means something different here than in the US, the UK version is the one given. Definitions stay short on purpose — most bi men land on a glossary entry mid-article, looking for a quick check, not a reading list. "See also" lines point to related entries elsewhere in the glossary so you can pull a thread if a term sits at the centre of something you're working out.
G
Gay sauna
A members-only or pay-on-entry venue for men to meet and have sex with other men. A typical UK gay sauna includes a steam room, dry sauna, jacuzzi, cruising corridors and private cabins; some have darkrooms or themed nights. The register is matter-of-fact — locker, towel, shower, walk around — and plenty of bi men use saunas precisely because the encounter starts and ends at the door. See also: Cruising, Discreet.
Glory hole
A hole between two cubicles or partitions that lets two men have anonymous oral or penetrative sex without seeing each other. Found in some saunas, sex clubs and dedicated venues — almost never improvised in public toilets in the UK in 2026, where licensed venues now serve that demand. The appeal is the anonymity itself; for bi men with privacy considerations, that's often the point. See also: Anonymous, Cruising, Discreet.
Group play
Sex involving more than two men, whether organised (a sauna's group room, a private party, an arranged threesome) or spontaneous. The forms range from a tight three to dozens, but the etiquette holds whether it's three men or thirty. Consent stays one-on-one even in group settings — saying yes to one person doesn't mean yes to everyone in the room, and most bi men find the etiquette easier to read once that one rule is clear. See also: Consent, Cruising.
H
Hookup
A casual sexual encounter, usually one-off, arranged through an app or met in a venue. Not a relationship, not a date, not a friend with benefits — it's the unit most bi men's first experiences with other men come in. A hookup can be brief or stretch across an evening, but the defining feature is no expectation beyond the encounter itself. See also: Apps, Anonymous, Friend with benefits.
K
Kink
A specific sexual interest beyond what's considered "vanilla" — restraint, role play, leather, watersports, electroplay, and plenty more. Kink communities have their own etiquette around negotiation, safe words and aftercare, and they're generally more explicit about consent than mainstream hookup culture. Plenty of bi men find kink spaces easier to read precisely because the rules are stated upfront, with limits agreed before anything starts rather than felt out as you go. See also: Aftercare, Consent.
L
Late bloomer
A man whose first sexual experiences with other men happen in his thirties, forties, fifties, or later. Not a polite synonym for "closeted" — many late bloomers were happily married and sexually content, and only started exploring after a life change or a genuine shift in attraction. The first-time pace is no different from a younger man's; the surrounding life is, which is why the practical questions (privacy, safety, where to go) tend to land harder. See also: Coming out, Exploring, Fluid.
M
Married bi
A bi man who's married, usually to a woman, and either explores with men with her knowledge or without it. The arrangements vary widely: full openness, "don't ask, don't tell", agreed limits, hard secrecy. Used both as a self-description ("I'm married bi") and as a search term on apps — and each arrangement carries its own ethics and its own risks. See also: Discreet, Disclosure, Mixed-orientation marriage.
Mixed-orientation marriage
A marriage where one or both partners isn't straight but the marriage continues — usually a bi man and a straight wife, less commonly a gay man and a straight wife. Sometimes the marriage was straight-presenting from the start; sometimes the orientation came clear later, after years together and often after children. Some are sexually open and some are not, and the survival rate depends largely on honesty between the two of them — and on whether the conversation happened at all. See also: Married bi, Coming out, Disclosure.
Monogamish
A relationship that's mostly monogamous but allows for some agreed sexual activity outside it — a sauna visit on a work trip, a threesome on holiday, occasional play with the same trusted friend. Coined by US columnist Dan Savage and now used in UK non-monogamy discussion without needing explanation. It sits between strict monogamy and a fully open relationship. See also: Married bi, Disclosure.
MSM
Short for "men who have sex with men". A descriptor used in UK public-health research and clinical settings — including NHS sexual-health forms, clinic paperwork and research papers — that focuses on behaviour rather than identity. Useful when identity labels don't fit (a man whose sexual experience includes other men but who doesn't identify as gay or bi); it isn't a label most men use about themselves, but it's worth recognising when it appears. See also: Bi, Down-low / DL.
Glossary — N–Z
The third batch of the bisexualmen.uk glossary. Each term is anchor-linkable from any article on the site. Definitions are deliberately plain — if a term needs unpacking beyond a paragraph, that's an article, not a glossary entry.
Open relationship
A relationship where both partners agree that one or both can have sexual or romantic connections outside the partnership. The shape varies — some couples set rules around safer sex, who's allowed, what gets shared with the other partner, and what stays private. The agreement matters more than the label, and it tends to change as people change. Often comes up in bi-and-married setups, though it isn't exclusive to them. See also: Mixed-orientation marriage, Sex-positive.
Out
Being open about your sexuality, fully or partly. Out isn't binary — you might be out to your closest friends but not at work, out online but not at the school gates, out to one parent but not the other. There's no obligation to be out everywhere, and selective disclosure isn't dishonesty. For bi men, being out often involves more questions than for gay men, because people assume. See also: Coming out, Questioning.
PEP
Post-exposure prophylaxis. A 28-day course of HIV medication taken after a possible exposure to reduce the chance of infection. You need to start it within 72 hours of the exposure, and the sooner the better — same-day matters. In the UK, PEP is free through A&E and sexual health clinics. It's emergency cover after the fact, not a routine option, and it isn't a substitute for PrEP. See also: PrEP, STI.
PrEP
Pre-exposure prophylaxis. A medication that reduces the risk of contracting HIV from sexual contact. In the UK, PrEP is free through sexual health clinics, with no GP referral required, and a clinician sets the right schedule for your situation. PrEP guards against HIV; it doesn't replace condoms for other STIs. See also: PEP, STI.
Queer
An umbrella term that some people use for non-straight or non-cisgender identities. The word has a long history — first as a slur, then reclaimed from the late 1980s onwards — and the reclamation isn't universal. Some bi men reach for it as shorthand or as a political label. Others, especially older men who lived through the slur years, prefer not to use it. The word is contested; both choices are reasonable. See also: Out, Bi.
Questioning
A period of working out what fits — your attractions, your feelings, the words you might use for yourself. Questioning isn't a phase you pass through on the way to a settled answer. Some people sit with it for years. Some land somewhere, then move again later. Some never feel the need for a label and quietly get on with their lives. There's no schedule and no exam at the end. See also: Bi-curious, Out.
Sauna etiquette
The unwritten rules of a gay or bi-friendly sauna. Bring a towel and stay wrapped in public areas. Eye contact is the opening move; "no thanks" is final, no follow-up needed. Showering before play is standard. Phones away — many venues ban them outright. Doors closed if a cubicle is in use. Specifics shift by venue, but the principle is consent and respect first, then everything else. See also: Sex-positive, bi-friendly saunas in the UK.
Sex-positive
A frame of mind that treats consensual sex between adults as a normal part of life, rather than something shameful or to be hidden. Sex-positive doesn't mean "anything goes" — it means consent, honesty, and care, without moralising about what people enjoy in private. The opposite of sex-positive is sex-negative, not "modest" or "private". You can be sex-positive and discreet at the same time. See also: Open relationship, Sauna etiquette.
Side
A relatively recent term, coined in 2013 by US sex therapist Dr Joe Kort, for someone who enjoys sex with men but doesn't do anal — neither topping nor bottoming. UK usage is growing. There's nothing missing about being a side; the menu of what counts as sex is bigger than penetration. The term gives people language for what they actually do, instead of defining themselves by what they don't. See also: Top, Bottom, Versatile.
STI
Sexually transmitted infection. The current preferred term over "STD" because not every infection causes disease. Common ones include chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, herpes, and HIV. UK sexual health clinics offer free testing, usually anonymous, often with self-sampling kits posted to your door. Regular testing is part of looking after yourself, not a sign anything's gone wrong. Most STIs are easily treatable when caught early. See also: PrEP, PEP.
Top
The partner who penetrates during anal sex. Some men are tops most of the time, some occasionally, some only with certain partners. Being a top isn't a personality trait or a measure of masculinity — it's a preference about a specific act. People shift between tops, bottoms, and versatile across their lives or even within a single session, and that shift isn't a problem to be solved. See also: Bottom, Versatile, Versatile top, Side.
Tribadism
Sex between two women involving rubbing genitals together, sometimes called scissoring. Included here for completeness — it has limited relevance to a male-focused site, but readers asking about partners' past relationships, meeting the word in fiction, or simply curious about wider terminology may want a clear definition without going elsewhere. The clinical term is older than the slang. See also: none.
Versatile
A man who tops and bottoms, depending on the partner, the mood, or the moment. "Vers" is the common short form, used in dating-app profiles and in conversation. Many men describe themselves this way; some lean more in one direction (see versatile top, versatile bottom). Stating a preference up front saves miscommunication during play and gives both partners useful information. See also: Top, Bottom, Versatile top, Versatile bottom.
Versatile bottom
A man who tops occasionally but mostly bottoms. The phrase comes up in dating profiles and in conversations before sex, where being specific saves time and miscommunication. "Vers bottom" is the common short form. Some men shift their lean over the years, so a label that fit at twenty-five may not at forty — that's fine, and it's worth saying so to a current partner. See also: Versatile, Versatile top, Bottom.
Versatile top
A man who bottoms occasionally but mostly tops. Like its mirror term, it's a way of being precise rather than choosing one of two boxes. "Vers top" is the common short form. The lean isn't fixed — preferences shift across years and across partners, and stating where you currently sit gives a partner useful information rather than a permanent declaration. See also: Versatile, Versatile bottom, Top.